Run Silent, Run Beep

A fine day to you, my friends, and welcome back to my corner of the world. Your visits are always appreciated, regardless of your reason for passing on your way past my particular roost.

I have, and this may pose no shock to you, an unapologetic affection for technology. I rarely have time for much of it, but it absolutely fascinates me. Take for example something that a large many of us take absolutely for granted in these modern times, our car key fob gadget. You know the ones, yes? Small, fits in the palm of your hand, and can unlock and lock the doors on your vehicle in an instant, or turn off its alarms. Even features such as starting the engine remotely can be found if the model is advanced enough, and while I find that particular feature does inspire a little nervousness, I can't dispute its utility. Simply the fact that it exists and can -do- that makes me smile a bit.

These handy little gadgets also have had an interesting, and I believe unintentional, side-effect.

Now recall if you will the days before these existed. Journeying to your local mega store, meant that upon disembarking the vehicle, the phrase "OK, everybody remember where we parked." was common coin, even if unspoken. Landmarks were crucial. Knowing that you were by the third light post in section G, but the one -behind- the cart corral and not directly in front of it, next to that oil leak spot with the empty eggnog carton lying in it that's become home to a band of passing gypsy cockroaches with bandanas and silenced automatic weapons, was absolutely essential if you were going to try to avoid a 20 minute hunt through a sea of vehicles that looked almost like your own. Gods help you if a similar make/model and color parked near you. How many times did you reach out to unlock a door and find yourself not only perplexed but utterly infuriated by the "key-of-course-now-it's-not-working-when-I-really-need-it.. oh.. wrong car" moment. More than once I'd wager, my friends, if you're anything similar to me.

With the keyfob? These days have largely passed. Sure, you can encounter the old reaction if you go about it in the same way. However - what I've seen evolve now, and what I myself participate in, is more akin to a parking-lot bound game of Seawolf. The only memory truly needed is a general broad area in which you parked. Once armed with this knowledge, and key fob discreetly tucked into one palm, you merely stride into the parking lot at a casual pace looking as confident as you please. Unseen, your thumb depresses the 'lock' or 'unlock' button on the key fob every couple of seconds. You walk, listening for the tell-tale beep of the car chirping at you, an automotive ASDIC ping. If you hear silence, you continue casually striding along with your cart full of purchased eggs, milk, clothing, high-definition televisions, and missile defense systems, and continue depressing the button. With any fortune, a faint response might be heard. You repeat the button press and home in on the sound until finally, like some sort of hi-tech vampire bat highly exceeding its safe load capacity rating, your technological echolocation bears fruit by leading you to your vehicle, where you may then successfully place your goods inside, confident in the knowledge that you looked like a competent human being who remembered where his car was parked. The world around you has no need to know at all that you were striding along praying that you'd hear the car chirp at you before you arrived at the far end of the aisle looking like a particularly ambitious hobo bound for the highway with his conveyance of choice. Ah, technology.

It strikes me there's some sort of Olympic sport hiding in here, waiting to be found. Some way to make the game all the more interesting.  I'll be happy to take suggestions, my friends. Meanwhile, I think I have likely distracted you from your daily journey for long enough.  Do take care as you wander through your day. I thank you kindly for your visit, and hope you'll return again soon.