Come to the Dark Side, we have icons, and candles, and ...

A good day to you, my friends, and thank you once again for tumbling your way past my humble street corner. Your company is always welcome and appreciated, I assure you sincerely.

I wonder if your eyes happened to pass over the tale of the woman who knocked over the Pope at a Christmas Eve mass. Here, should you be curious, you may find a blurb from the BBC news on the matter.  Not a horrible incident in terms of severity, really. All parties hale and whole and all that.

I bring it to your attention merely for context, my readers.  Note if you will, a related blurb in today's BBC releases here. The story, laudable to be sure.  The photo, however, is a golden work of art. I saw that today, along with its adjoining caption below, and I began to laugh as I haven't done in a good week.

No, not because of the content, but because I immediately began to insert alternate captions. For example :

• The Pope wanted to demonstrate the Sith mind choke.
• "And now, young protestant... you will die!"
• "Your feeble skills are no match for the power of Catholicism!

I'm sure you can come up with some of your own! Have fun with it!

I will leave you with that thought, for now my friends. I simply felt I had to share something that delightful forthwith.

Today's Specials in the Produce Aisle

A good and fine morn to you all, this winter's day. Please don't mind the snow on the sidewalk there, I've been shoveling all morning, but the wind keeps drifting it back into place. It's even covered over my tin can there. Most bothersome.

But even in snow, my good friends and readers, one can find something to laugh at oneself about, yes? We could certainly ruminate upon the weather, but let's wander our eyes to Spain today, how about. As I was leafing through the newsstand's board of fare the other day, my gaze tripped upon an article from those ever-sharp eyes at BBC News detailing bananas with a secret prize in the packing carton: cocaine!  I'll give you all a few moments if you'd care to swing past your music service of choice and cue up the appropriate Clapton song whilst you read.

Apparently, a stocker at a grocer's in Madrid found a brick of cocaine under his bananas.  What indeed do you say to that, my friends, if you were that employee?  Do you call for a clean-up in the produce aisle? Tap your other co-workers discreetly and arrange for a ration of mirrors and a razor blade? Alert your manager in hopes that he or she won't want to share, or worse yet, confiscate it? The mind boggles. You must admit, though, regardless of the road one takes upon finding such a thing, that a brick of cocaine is at least, quite an improvement on finding the proverbial sachet of tarantulas hiding inside, of the deadly black variety to be sure. In any event, we are apparently to be assured that none of the substance made it onto the store shelves, but I personally find this to be the least shocking of facts. Regardless of one's moral road traveled, I would have been magnificently surprised had a brick of cocaine simply been put on the shelf by your average stock hand. Well, not without a 'for sale' sign attached at least.

According to the news report linked above, apparently an error of some sort caused the bundles to be left in the fruit rather than being properly retrieved post-smuggle. An error. One wonders if the persons in charge of such things took such a light-handed view of the matter. But an error, certainly is what occurred, in cross-marketing if nothing else.  Cocaine with bananas?  Come now, those two things go together about as well as pogo sticks and porcelain plates. Note the thinking of the 5 smugglers reported arrested a few lines farther south. Their goods were at least bundled with whiskey. While I haven't the foggiest notion as to which is the appropriate hard liquor to imbibe whilst sampling one's cocaine, I have to at least give proper credit for a bundled product that at least seems more appropriate together.

I think that will do for today, my friends.  Thank you for stopping by once again to spend a few moments with your ears in thrall. I shall look forward to your next pass by my humble corner. Meanwhile?  Have yourselves, all of you, an excellent day.

Riffing the Light Fantastic (2009 Edition)

A Good and Fine morning to you all in this new year, and thank you for pausing by your humble bard's street corner once again to pass a few hours of your day, perhaps with your caffeinated beverage of choice in hand.

Tradition would seem to dictate that at times like this, reflection over the previous year's days is in order.  Why not, yes? After all, with the mantra about not learning from the previous year's mistakes in our ears, it seems an appropriate enough moment.  In the past year, this bit of the blogosphere has :

• Been created and duly introduced
• Examined the mathematical skills of political fundraisers
• Ruminated upon covers & remakes
• Highlighted whimsical parking lot sporting events
• Examined the merits of education
• Explored banking regulations and customer service
  

Looking farther abroad, we've also in this past year seen such things as :

• A world utterly shocked when televised reality is shown to not actually be reality, a shock that wears off usually after a standard 30 second advertising spot.
• Various media outlets renewing that shock by following the 'story' of this breach from realized reality like basset hounds on the trail of ... well... whatever it is that basset hounds trail. I haven't the foggiest. Bassets perhaps? What -is- a basset anyway? Did some long-forgotten Mr. Basset have the first of these hounds?
• A world utterly stunned by the notion that someone not waif-thin and in critical danger of snapping like a twig in a light breeze might be possessing of some musical talent. Whether or not her further endeavors are received well is not for me to speculate upon as sales and so forth will doubtless tell that tale well enough. The looks on the faces of the absolutely broadsided judges however, will be imprinted in my head forever. I'll spare my kind readers the rumination on the ephemeral nature of 'fame' today. I'm sure it will come up again.
• The sporting world jarred by one of their own proving himself to be a human being, full of failings and foibles just like the rest of us, followed closely by repeated and future pummeling over said figure's metaphorical piggy bank. It's almost rather like watching a 7 year old holding his porcine pocket of pennies overhead and rattling it enthusiastically, crying in triumph as each one is finally urged back -out- of the thin slot that gained their entry in the first place. My apologies, my friends, I -did- say we were going to hold on the 'fame' discussion, didn't I?
  
• A nation captivated with horror at the thought of a small child drifting along on the breeze in a basket, further horrified to find the basket empty. Said horror was soon replaced with irritation and soon after, criminal proceedings as the whole thing turned out to be a publicity stunt to seek further fame and fortune. There's that fame thing again, sorry. What exactly were we trying to hawk as a program, I wonder? "Adventures of Balloon Boy!", "Mad Science Dad", "New Frontiers in Neglect", "When Parents Attack!", or perhaps it's just an intro into a fascinating 'weekend prison' program.  I swear, my friends, if cameras end up going along to this weekend correctional shin-dig, I will personally hurl half-cooked penne pasta at anyone who thinks to tune in.
• The usual round of deaths, both of the prominent and the unknown.
• A flurry of births
• A continuing boom in the animated / puppetry venues, particularly those in prime-time television and commercials. I guess the financial crunch is eating even the wallets of the TV industry, hm?
• And many other things, both amusing and less so.

It is of interest to note to myself, that looking back over the year I ultimately find myself waxing cynical. While good things certainly occurred, to be sure, there were many things at the same time that I found myself shaking my head at, and wondering if our human race will ever grow out of the rut we appear to be in.

Perhaps it's unfashionable of me to believe in 'Live and Let Live', my friends, but I hold to it all the same. It is vitally, crucially important, for those who hold differing beliefs to have a place in the world. Why? Because as a band director I used to be acquainted with was wont to say, "Contrast makes life interesting". True words, my friends, true words. We can learn much from those things that are not directly identical to the experience we already know. Besides, having things to compare with your own condition can make for a good laugh, whether or not it's at your own expense.

As we roll into the first week of this new year, you have -my- resolution friends and readers, that I will endeavor to bring those laughs to you here, or at least things to make you think, should laughs be unavailable on that particular day. For now? Welcome to the year 2010, my kind readers. Perhaps this will be the year we make contact with ourselves. Let's give it a try, shall we?

Until we meet again, be well, all of you. Come armed further with coffee and donuts and I will bend your ears once more with further tales and ruminations. As ever, do please grace my humble tin can with a coin or two if you are so moved to do.  I know, it's buried under some paper at the moment, but take heart - I'll be unearthing it in a day or two. I might even find some polish to give it a bit of a shine. You know, for the new year and all that.