In The Immortal Words of The Cat...

"Hey, this is mine. That's mine. All this is mine. I'm claiming all this as mine. Except that bit. I don't want that bit. But all the rest of this is mine." - Red Dwarf

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Gather round, ladies and gents, gather round. You there in the hat, yes you as well. You with the pants around his ankles, also you, but cover up for Gods' sake. Any and all kind and unkind passersby of my humble street corner, do pause and lend your ears.

There now - are we all settled? Holding off on our morning donut regiment briefly to listen now? Good. Sip your coffee. The sun shall rise anon, and with it perhaps thoughts and schedules. Bear the time with me until then, won't you?

Here in this time and space, you may call me Riff - a wordsmith and plyer of verbiage. Or to trim that for those of you needing perhaps a thesaurus, a writer. My goal and purpose is plain and two-fold : Firstly, to entertain those who choose to pass their way through my street corner each day and secondly, to collect a few coins in the tin cup at my feet, whether it be to encourage my entertaining prattle or to plead with me to cap my electronic pen, for the love of all that is good and holy, and never more darken the corner with my presence. I'm not likely to stop, mind you, but the coins are always appreciated. Do also permit me to assure you that any monies deposited into the can will not find their way swiftly to the nearest purveyor of alcoholic beverages, but will seek their enlightenment in monetary heaven as the facilitation of survival for the proverbial wife and children.

So that's the why of it, then. Yet you still know little of your humble verbal minstrel, do you? Very well then. Introductions are certainly in order, yes? Yes.

I am in this place, called to be called Riff, your modern minstrel. I am not this gent, nor this man, nor this... thing, nor this individual, nor these chaps, nor these folks, nor even this guy here. When not standing on my humble street corner where you find yourself, I play the roles of a slinger of booze, husband, and father according to the dictates of life's call.

But here? Here I write to entertain. Being as we are, in the modern world however, a brief moment of disclaiming before I foray further forward. Do I have my political, social, and/or religious beliefs and failings? Most assuredly. Might they bleed into the writing? It would be hard to avoid it I imagine. Nonetheless - I make specific point that these writings are not specifically written for the point of being political, socially conscious, or religious. These are here to entertain, to make you think, perchance to give you cause to laugh. Or at least to make me laugh. I cannot and will not promise to not offend you, but I also won't go out of my way to condemn or belittle groups or ethnicities or what have you. I reserve the right, however, to point out the stupid, the short-sighted, and the daft. Why? Because it's funny, most days, and there's merit to the 'learning from the mistakes of others' argument as well. My topics may, and likely will, range across a broad area. My language will be clean as a whistle some days, and perhaps strewn with profanity another, and while I will strive for intelligent thought, I am after all, male - and as my dear wife has been known to say, "Women are Crazy. Men are Stupid." Of course, she's also been known to say that I'm the most intelligent man she knows. Parse as you will. :)

In short, while I won't go out of my way to offend, you might all the same be offended. You have that right. Conversely, I also have the right to address it or simply not lose sleep over the matter. It's my street corner after all, and I'm not controlling the sneakers around your feet if you take my meaning.

I think that's said well enough. Do pass by on the morrow as you convey yourself to your ultimate destination, and the morrow after that. Until then, my friends and passersby, I bid you a fine day.

The Humble Tin Cup Sits Below...